Girls who are not looking for marriage are
stumbling on it AND those who are desperate for
it can’t find it. Generally speaking, ladies in our
society divide their adult lives into four distinct
PHASE ONE: Play time (Age 19-22) This is a
period where, Cyndi Lauper’s song says, “girls just
wanna have fun”. When a man asks her out, she
comes along with three of her roommates and
wonders why he was frowning throughout the
evening and drinking only water. She shares
almost all her mischief with her friends and they
have a good laugh over it. At this stage of their
lives, girls see men as playthings; During this
phase, any suggestion of a serious relationship is
dismissed with the contempt reserved for fun-
PHASE TWO: Open time (Age 23-28). In this
period, girls still want to have fun, but not just
fun. They want to have fun with a purpose. They
are looking to grow in love and get married (in
that order). At this stage, her ideal man is no
longer a set of qualities she wants, BUT a
workmate, a churchmate, a gymmate…in other
words, someone within. She knows him and sees
him frequently. As she gets dangerously close to
28 and the man of her fantasies is not any closer
to making a move, she widens her net. Then she
starts bidding. Her open bidding process lasts a
year without a single bid, then reality hits. She
looks back at all the bidders she threw out
without consideration and none of them looks
back. In fact, most of them are probably happily
married or inviting her to their wedding meetings.
Tick, tack, tick, tack…Time is going……….
PHASE THREE: Desperation time (Age 29-33) She
is now 29, which means 30 is just 365 days away.
As the days go by, she forgets that marriage
involves two people. She tries to take the bull by
the horns, so to speak. Now she can only date
And this creates two discernible dangers for her.
1. Her definition of a serious man is one who is
willing to have the second date at her parent’s
home, and the third date at their wedding
reception. Any man who can be rushed like that is
either a very old man or a conman.
2. At this stage, a girl has lost the ability to fall in
love, all she wants is to fall in marriage. Men
notice this attitude from a distance and take off.
PHASE FOUR: Single motherhood (Ages 33 ———)
When the prospect of marriage seems to be
vanishing with the horizon, it’s time to look for
any prospective man He must be responsible,
good looks are an added advantage.
Remember those distinct phases; Play time, Open
time, Desperation time and Single motherhood.
Anyone who has been through campus knows all
about the nightmare of registration. You get to the
faculty and there is a queue of students waiting to
enlist. Exams are around the corner and you must
complete the process in time or you miss out. But
the lady in charge of the registration process
looks tired, bored, demotivated and desperate.
Hanging above her desk is a notice that reads: “A
delay on your part does not constitute an
emergency on ours.” And she has a point. The
office was open throughout the semester but no
one showed up to register until the final few days.
And now we expected her to jump up and down at
Back to the subject of marriage. From my
observation, girls who end up in stable marriages
are those who use their Open Time wisely. But so
many girls tend to abuse their Open Time in one
of the following ways.
1. The dream man In every group,there is a man
who is seen as the ideal husband for most girls.
He is the man of their fantasies. The trouble is;
that prize man is being eyed by twenty girls; all of
whom are hoping to win the race. He plays ‘good
friend’ to all the girls and keeps them hanging on
the cross of hope. When he eventually proposes to
one, he leaves nineteen others flat on their faces.
Their Open Time is coming to an end and
Desperation Time is knocking on the door.
2. Ideal vs Available Then they wake up to the
realisation that they wasted their Open Time. So
when she wakes up from her disappointment, all
the men who were interested in her, the men
whose proposals she threw out, have moved on
and they seem happily married. If only one of
them would come back she would gladly take him
in, but none of them returns.
4. A delay on your part… Like those men don’t
want to talk about marriage on the first or fourth
date. They don’t want to meet your parents before
they are well acquainted with you. Don’t expect
the world to align itself to your desperation. There
are certain things you cannot push; the only
pushing you will do is pushing prospective
husbands away from U.
Now for some advice:
Don’t waste your open time pursuing a so-called
dream man. He is probably not worth it. A dream
man today might turn out to be a loser tomorrow.
That’s usually the case. Remember those men
whom you celebrated in Secondary School. Where
are they now?
The man you turn down today because he doesn’t
meet your lofty aspirations might turn out as the
dream man tomorrow. If you cannot catch a
buffalo, settle for an antelope.
Remember, the people who are desperate did not
end up that way because they didn’t have
opportunities; no……. they ended up that way
because they wasted their opportunities.
God doesn’t see us for what we are, He sees us
for what we can be.
Girls, hold the same attitude when considering
WHY LADIES ARE FAILING TO GET MARRIED.
Girls who are not looking for marriage are